So, it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and today is Wednesday and I am just sitting here, eating my egg whites and drinking water and thinking about how people should be more afraid of moms.

I just started (again) on the 17 Day Diet today. I’m supposed to eat mostly veggies and protein, some fruit, tons of water and no sugar or bread … for 17 days. I’m only about 3 hours in and I’m angry. Also, I have spent the morning cleaning. I became intimately aware of my half bath’s floor this morning and I figured something out. I’ve been annoyed for some time because I can’t seem to figure out why all of my bathrooms (I have 2.5) smell like urine. I thought I was cleaning them well and yet, they always smelled like pee. Well, this morning I realized why – because they have urine on the floor and around the under side of the toilets. Fun tidbit of information to pick up. Also, I am not feeling well. Just a cough and headache, but it’s enough to bug you. Also, Ray is sick … he’s kind of taking it like a baby too. Yelling, squawking and whining about everything, doing diarrhea in his pants every 15 minutes (not really, but man it feels like a lot of poop lately) and the snot strings are flowing down his face all day.

And I’ve been contemplating all of this while eating my tasteless egg whites and I thought that I might not be the only mom in the world doing the stuff I’m doing. There are probably thousands of hungry, angry women out there on the edge of screaming and since they can’t scream at their children because it’s not their fault they are 2 and sick … these women must be looking for outlets to scream and punish people around them. People should definitely be more afraid of mommies. If I were a thief or hoodlum of any sort, I would steer clear of moms. I’d be afraid they would not only have the nearest police station on speed dial (which I happen to have), but they are dieting and angry, they probably have pee or poop on them or at least under their nails and are ready the hurl something at the nearest person who looks at them wrong.

On a separate but related topic. I’ve often thought that the worst kind of torture would be to put a two year old in the same room as the person you are trying to torture and the two year old would take care of the torture. An especially effective torture would be to put a sick two year old in the room. There would be no “good cop, bad cop” it would be total chaos – yelling, screaming, crying, scratching your eyes out, crawling on top of them and pooping and throwing up on them kind of torture.

The day before yesterday I had a poop incident, while we’re on the subject, which we usually are on this blog. As I have been mentioning Ray is sick. He couldn’t wait for dinner, so I had fed him in his highchair, while I finished up with dinner. When he was done, he screeched at me until I picked him up to wash off his hands in the sink. As I was washing hi hands, I felt something fall on my toes. I thought, “oh great, the juicy tomatoes he was eating must have been in his lap and now it’s all over my feet!” … it was much worse than that. I looked down to see diarrhea on my feet, all down the front of my clothes and coming out of Ray’s shorts. I froze. This is the moment I am most familiar with as a mommy; the one where you are at a loss for what to do in this situation because you are not prepared for this kind of predicament. I did an awesome yoga move and stretched my feet, one at a time up to the sink where Ray was and rinsed my feet and Ray a little, then I scooped him up and we walked up the stairs to the bathroom where everyone disrobed and washing and bathing ensued. It was gross.

Anyway, these are the thoughts swimming around my head this morning.

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