Tired and guilty

I should have practiced singing today but I didn’t. I’m just pooped. And I’ve missed talking to myself in my journal so here I am.

I have a few performances coming up in a few weeks and so I feel impelled to practice all the time and I’ve been overdoing it. But today I was supposed to and I just couldn’t find the time.

I went on a field trip with Noah’s class and didn’t get back until almost 4 pm after I picked up Ray and Liam from Christina’s house. But I loved watching my Noah all day.  I don’t know how to express it but I was just delighted to see him participate and answer questions. He is so good. He seemed so happy. It made me smile all day long. I caught myself quietly clapping one time when he answered a question that no one else could in his class. No joke.  What is wrong with me? I don’t know but it was wonderful. He even seemed happy that I was there too. He came up after lunch and hugged me and kissed me. I love that he’s not ashamed or embarrassed yet. He was blissfully unaware if it was not cool to kiss your mom in public! And he’s such a beautiful thing too. I found myself stroking his hair into place, pinching his little curly lips and telling him he was beautiful. Ah, my little Noah.

Once I got home, I thought I could squeeze in some practice time because I gad Ray down for a late nap but no. Liam needed homework help.  Then it was time to make dinner. Then it was time to eat and Daniel came home and wanted to go to REI for FHE to buy Noah some hiking shoes and get Liam a helmet. Sigh. Singing went by the wayside again. And I found myself entertaining Ray in REI. And I wasn’t even mad about it.

I pulled out this balance bike for Ray and he plopped on it and rode that thing around REI for an hour and 20 minutes! He was so content to ride/walk around on that thing and call out to me, “mommy, come on!” So I followed him. And he talked to me. “I going THIS way mommy”, “see me mommy?!”, “oops! I do it … Uh, (struggling) uh, I DID it! Come on mommy, you coming?” And I was.  I watched his tiny toes grip his little red flip flops hard to stay balanced. And I loved every minute. It didn’t even feel like over an hour. I just followed him and he talked to me and that was it. Something about watching him learn his balance and talk through it was mesmerizing. And super cute. What a little love. Once he realized there were seats all over the store too, he’d ride over to a pair of seats, get off his bike, put it down, then scramble up on one seat and pat the seat next to him and demand that I sit down. So I would. Then he’d look at me, smile and wiggle down off the seat and get back onto his little red balance bike. It was beautiful.

So now it’s late, 10:30 pm and I’m exhausted from the day and also cuz I started my period today. Ugh. And singing didn’t get done but so many good important things did. I’m gonna call this a win today anyway.




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