Rayman

IMG_8176I feel like I documented Noah and Liam’s younger life better than I have done with Ray. So here’s my effort to keep up. Ray is 3 and a half and adorable these days. And he loves me the best.

He says hilarious stuff. Lately these are my faves:

“nermal” (normal)

“smokes” (cloaks … on his lego guys)

“lellow” (yellow)

“Green Lanturd” (Green Lantern)

He consistently refers to Daniel and I not as daddy and mommy but as “Dad” and “Mom”. It sounds so grown up for a 3 year old. Even as a 2 year old he did that. We’ll even say things like, “Tell Daddy – ‘Daddy I’m sorry'” and he’ll repeat it as “Dad, I’m sorry”. So funny. He also consistently refers to his poop as “stinkies” not poopies or anything else we call it. He seems like he has his own opinion about stuff.

He’s ridiculously happy. The only time he gets in a bad mood is if he hasn’t had enough food or if he doesn’t get enough alone time at home. He seems to kind of love his time with me while the older boys are at school. He gets to rule the house and the legos and nobody tells him what he can or can’t do and for a youngest child, who gets told he’s too little quite a bit, it’s good for him to have time when he’s in charge of his own little life.

Ray is VERY loving. He spontaneously gives “huggies” and kisses throughout the day. He will tell me he loves me all the time too. He’s a love. I can usually talk him out of a fit and I can generally take him with me anywhere I go. He’s a pretty good natured kid. I’ve taken him to class parties in Noah’s fourth grade class several times because I’m the Room Mom and have to go. He stays close to me and is pretty low key in public.

His best friend is Emily Clark, his cousin. Today in Primary they were sitting side by side in the front row and I was teaching singing time and they just kept talking to one another and then finally started kissing each other and giggling. He calls her “Emlee”. Emily is pretty bossy but Ray is pretty easy going so they work well together. They both like pretending together and we call them, collectively, “the babies”. They are both the youngest of our families and we might refer to them as that for the rest of their mortal lives. They’ll probably hate it. But they play so well together, that sometimes I will call Christina and ask her to bring over Emily so I can get some stuff done. Emily and Ray will play for hours, happily. I love it. If Emily or a playmate is not here for Ray to play with, he will follow me everywhere and ask me to play with him. He doesn’t like to be alone. I constantly trip over him because he is usually at my feet or right behind me or within 24 inches of me at all times. I see it in photographs. It’s kind of funny, kind of cute and kind of frustrating at the same time.

I have a hard time playing “guys” with Ray, so I generally don’t do it. We do other things together, but Daniel plays “guys” with him. It’s usually Lego guys. Daniel says Ray is a pretty demanding player though. He has specific things he wants you to say and do and pretend with him as you play with him. He doesn’t seem to do that with friends, just adults. I think he feels the need to guide us because we don’t seem to know how to pretend very well.

He’s a beautiful little soul and I love him.

 

scheduling conflicts

Oh. my. goodness. Life is just screaming along at a breakneck pace! Daniel and I have turned 70% of our conversations into scheduling discussions. I feel like we’re playing some sort of tag team race. Days and weeks are just flying by and we are so exhausted!

This morning was supposed to be different. We had a whirlwind weekend and yesterday was the first Bishop’s Youth Fireside that we hosted here at our house. We got to bed late and I woke up, got the boys off to school and thought, “phew! I’ve got a free morning ahead of me and Ray isn’t awake yet! huh. I think I’ll sit down and blog.” But as I went to sign in to the blog, I had to reset my password and I had the new one sent to my email …. and that was my mistake. Because then I was looking at my email and there was soooooooooo much there. I found myself answering emails to our Rental Manager in MI about refinishing the hardwood floors and emailing a family photo to the ward YW’s president for a ward event and scheduling with Daniel how I could get him to do the soccer practice rigamorale so I could attend the ward Terrific Tuesday and then I’m so busy that I haven’t eaten breakfast and I’m scheduling piano lessons over email!

It feels like it will never end. But it’s all good stuff. Nothing terrible is happening. We’re just so busy we feel like we can’t get our footing. We feel like we’re spinning. It’s felt like that ever since he was called to be bishop.

I would never pick this for my life but I can see how it changes me for the good. For instance, I am back to praying constantly. I have felt this scripture play out in my life:

2 Nephi 32:9

9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.

I felt this way while I was a young mommy too. That was terribly hard. It was exhausting and it was painful. I needed to pray. I needed the help. I feel that way again and it worries me. I don’t want life to be a struggle, I want to enjoy it but maybe the only way I can be perfected is through struggle. I would not go to my Heavenly Father unless I were in dire need. Why am I like that? Maybe if I were a more perfect being I wouldn’t need struggle to bring me to my knees; I would seek for the Lord in times of relative ease too. But I have to say – either way, I have felt the Lord with me. I feel a sense of strength and assistance.

I also feel closer to Daniel. Weird, cuz he’s physically and mentally gone more. But because he is gone more, we relish the time together. We really appreciate one another now. It’s only been about 6 weeks with him serving as bishop, but it has made a massive change in our lives. Our love feels concentrated now, because it’s given and received in small chunks, but it’s like taking a spoonful of orange juice concentrate – it’s strong. We also don’t have time to be angry with one another or have fights. That’s wasteful. Every time we get angry (in the last 6 weeks), we are quick to resolve it and melt toward each other. We need each other more.

That’s where we’re at right now. It’s crazy busy and I don’t know how to change that. I want more downtime and I wish things were less hectic, but it has caused me to depend more on the Lord. Daniel remains as the most wonderful thing in my life. I love him.

#blessed

I have so much to do, but I have wanted to blog for weeks now and have not found a moment. I am squeezing this in anyway. I said I’d keep you posted on how the bishop thing is going and today I will. Also, today was crazy and I have to share.

When Daniel was called as bishop, my mom told me, “the Lord takes care of his bishops”. She was, of course, right. I have felt blessings poured out on us and I wanted to document what I see happening. It’s mostly small things, but it makes me feel less alone. I feel like someone is with me, helping me out.

For a couple Sundays in a row now, the nursery leader has taken Ray to nursery. I am usually frantically picking up the massive mess that is our row at church when he comes by and says hi to Ray and then asks if Ray could come with him to nursery. I don’t even know his name, the nursery leader, but I just love that he’s so kind and helpful.

About 2 weeks ago Daniel went out of town for one night. That one night happened to be back to school night. It also happened to be one of the 3 nights I was watching the Clark kids while Jeff and Christina went out of town. I had a babysitter all lined up, then something happened and she called me hours before and said she couldn’t. Nancy Rowley found out and jumped in and came over and watched all 7 kids so I could go to back to school night. Nancy is the previous bishop’s wife. It was so incredibly kind of her to do that.

One night a week ago, I was losing it. I was near tears and stressed out from the invasion of ants we’ve had all month. I feel like all I do all day is find ant lines, trace them back, caulk the area, spray it with ant killer and vacuum the ants up, then repeat in a different portion of the house. It drives me bonkers. It’s never ending and an urgent need all. the. time. And I wanted to scream. The boys had also been fighting. I talked to Daniel on the phone as he was on his way to the church and just cried to him. After I got off the phone, I sucked it up and tried to figure out what I was going to do about dinner. 10 minutes later Daniel walked in the door! His interview had been cancelled and he was able to come home and be with me and help me. It was so needed that night.

I still miss Daniel madly but I also feel like I can do this, with the help I feel like I’m receiving. Just when I feel overwhelmed, I receive assistance.

Today I had a LOT of errands to run. We were all out of food, it’s the first day of the month and I had to do Costco shopping. I also have preschool at my house tomorrow morning and had to get things for that. I prayed last night to be able to accomplish everything I needed to do today and planned on getting an early start today. That was the plan …. until I found ants. again. It really blows my mind. I just sprayed the exterior of the house 2 days ago. The ants were coming out of the inside of the sink and up through a crack in the carpet. for reals. I had also just spent an hour the night before cleaning up ants in the boys’ room … and in their bathroom, and in the laundry room … and in Ray’s room. I wanted to cry this morning when I found them. It set me back. I spent an hour and a half cleaning them all up. I didn’t leave the house until 10:30 am. I had just 3 hours to do everything and I just thought, “well, I’ll do what I can and see what happens”. I wasn’t sure there was anything I could cut out so I just moved forward. And it happened. All of it. It was amazing.

I had to go get some things printed at Staples for preschool and knew they got busy sometimes, so I called them. The girl said they were reeeeeeally busy. But I knew I wouldn’t have any time the rest of the day to go there before they closed tonight, so I just went anyway. And guess what? I walked in and the girl was helping one other person, which finished in a couple minutes and then literally there was not a single other person there but me. I showed her what I wanted printed and she said, “were you the one that called just a few minutes ago? Because you just barely missed the rush!”

There were green lights and things moved smoothly. I even found all of my library books for preschool quickly! This is everything I accomplished in 3 hours with Ray by my side:

– I went to Rite Aid, returned something and picked up my meds (no line)

– I went to the library and checked out books for preschool

– I went to Lowe’s and bought sand for preschool

– I went to JoAnn’s and bought supplies for preschool (paper, glue sticks, treasure boxes and foam)

– I went to Staples and printed out stuff for preschool

– I went to Costco and got in and out in 40 minutes. No joke. I did a Costco trip, with Ray, in 40 minutes, start to finish. Should I say that again? That’s unbelievable! Buying, checking out, unpacking it all into my car …. unreal.

I was even able to go home after Costco and refrigerate the perishables before picking up the boys from school. I know that miracles are often hard to recognize. The word “mira” means “to look”. Miracles are only seen by those who are looking. I was looking, hoping and praying for one today.

Tired and guilty

I should have practiced singing today but I didn’t. I’m just pooped. And I’ve missed talking to myself in my journal so here I am.

I have a few performances coming up in a few weeks and so I feel impelled to practice all the time and I’ve been overdoing it. But today I was supposed to and I just couldn’t find the time.

I went on a field trip with Noah’s class and didn’t get back until almost 4 pm after I picked up Ray and Liam from Christina’s house. But I loved watching my Noah all day.  I don’t know how to express it but I was just delighted to see him participate and answer questions. He is so good. He seemed so happy. It made me smile all day long. I caught myself quietly clapping one time when he answered a question that no one else could in his class. No joke.  What is wrong with me? I don’t know but it was wonderful. He even seemed happy that I was there too. He came up after lunch and hugged me and kissed me. I love that he’s not ashamed or embarrassed yet. He was blissfully unaware if it was not cool to kiss your mom in public! And he’s such a beautiful thing too. I found myself stroking his hair into place, pinching his little curly lips and telling him he was beautiful. Ah, my little Noah.

Once I got home, I thought I could squeeze in some practice time because I gad Ray down for a late nap but no. Liam needed homework help.  Then it was time to make dinner. Then it was time to eat and Daniel came home and wanted to go to REI for FHE to buy Noah some hiking shoes and get Liam a helmet. Sigh. Singing went by the wayside again. And I found myself entertaining Ray in REI. And I wasn’t even mad about it.

I pulled out this balance bike for Ray and he plopped on it and rode that thing around REI for an hour and 20 minutes! He was so content to ride/walk around on that thing and call out to me, “mommy, come on!” So I followed him. And he talked to me. “I going THIS way mommy”, “see me mommy?!”, “oops! I do it … Uh, (struggling) uh, I DID it! Come on mommy, you coming?” And I was.  I watched his tiny toes grip his little red flip flops hard to stay balanced. And I loved every minute. It didn’t even feel like over an hour. I just followed him and he talked to me and that was it. Something about watching him learn his balance and talk through it was mesmerizing. And super cute. What a little love. Once he realized there were seats all over the store too, he’d ride over to a pair of seats, get off his bike, put it down, then scramble up on one seat and pat the seat next to him and demand that I sit down. So I would. Then he’d look at me, smile and wiggle down off the seat and get back onto his little red balance bike. It was beautiful.

So now it’s late, 10:30 pm and I’m exhausted from the day and also cuz I started my period today. Ugh. And singing didn’t get done but so many good important things did. I’m gonna call this a win today anyway.

 

 

 

Goals 2015

2015goals

This is how I chose to display our family goals this year. We each tried to pick something for a different area of our lives: spiritual goals, health goals, educational goals and a fun goal.

I used an old chalkboard I had in the garage (by chalkboard I mean a board I painted with chalkboard paint a few years ago). Then I printed out pictures of the goals we made to give us a visual image of what we’re working towards. Anyway, I printed it out on cardstock and stuck it to the board with tape. Goals? Done.