the state of things

Well, I woke up at 3 am this morning with a contraction. I stumbled into the bathroom to go potty and realized my underwear was soaked in blood. I called for Daniel and he jumped into action. We called my midwife and ended up in the emergency room 45 minutes later.

Nothing is wrong, everything is fine. I feel like I should make that clear now. But I was worried. I was due two days ago (on Friday) and blood is not what you want to see. You might want to see amniotic fluid or a mucous plug (pretty ugly word huh, “mucous plug”) but blood … not so good. They were originally concerned that my placenta had detached from the uterine lining, but after a non-stress-test, an ultrasound, checking my amniotic fluid levels and a painful exam – they determined that I was dilated to a 1 or 2, I am not really effaced and that the baby is at a -3 (that all means something to pregnant people). But really, it doesn’t mean a whole lot either. I could be in this state for a few weeks. They think I gushed blood because of my dilated cervix. They said it’s normal to have that sort of thing happen. But Baby Ray looks good, and I am well. I’m tired and constantly hungry, but doing just fine.

I have been contracting pretty much every hour all day long, sometimes even up to 4 times an hour, but that means nothing and it’s not regular, so I could go on like this for a while. The bummer about all of this is that the contractions hurt now, every one of them. So it’s like being on your period and cramping for days. And sadly, it’s back to just waiting … sigh.

Here are my predictions for when this little man finally decides to show his squishy little face:

– I bet I will go into labor during the night (because that’s when he’s most active)

– I bet this labor will go faster than the past two (because he’s measuring small – so that’s easier to push out, and I’m having all these early contractions and my body is prepping so much that when it finally happens, I’ll bet it’s fast and furious)

I really want my mom to be here for the labor and delivery. But I am hesitating to fly her in early (she’s supposed to come on Friday, June 8th) because if she comes and I sit around waiting to go into labor for a week, it will be wasted time. grrrrr. This is why I should live in CA.

I was talking to my friend, Mandee, and she said I should write down why I love having my mom there for my labor. It’s a good idea. I’ve been thinking about it all day – why is it so important that she’s there? Why do I care so much? What does she do for me that my husband and midwife don’t? Well, here’s what I’ve come up with:

– Mom talks to me all through labor. Sometimes she says encouraging things and sometimes she gets excited, and sometimes she just voices what is going on and I LOVE that. Daniel doesn’t really do that. Daniel is great at listening and responding, but mom is good at talking, so I listen to her.

– Mom is assertive but not overbearing. She has an opinion about everything that is happening during labor and she tells me. She gives me suggestions confidently and it makes me trust her. When I am in labor, I want direct advice because I am so consumed with what is going on with my body at that moment, I cannot reason and weigh my options, I want someone to tell me what they think, confidently. Mom does that.

– Mom is what Daniel and I deemed this morning as a “woman of action” When I was in labor with Liam, I was laboring for an entire day. By 10 pm, I decided to go to bed. I was only in bed for about ten minutes when a rip roaring contraction woke me up and I made a crazy loud sound of pain. Daniel was lying next to me and sat straight up in bed and just stared at me, obviously shocked. Mom flew into our bedroom, leaped onto my bed, got her fist in my lower back, turned to Daniel and said, “Daniel, it’s time to go to the hospital”. That’s a woman of action, eh?

I think that sums it up – she talks, is assertive and acts. And those are things that I want.

I have to say, during labor, Daniel is amazing as well. I feel like I haven’t voiced that, only the stuff he doesn’t do in comparison to my mom. But Daniel is my rock. He is the person I rely on physically. I actually lean on him for almost every contraction during labor. He is loving. He is always within my arms’ reach and I need that. I need him near me, it gives me strength to know he’s there. He tells me he loves me, that he’s proud of me and that I’m doing well. I need that too.

I guess I want it all – but in your moment of dire pain and agony, who wouldn’t?

So, that’s the state of things.