looking at me

Last night I was holding Ray. Daniel had been holding him for a while and he seemed fussy, so I took him to see if he wanted to eat, but before he started nursing, I just talked to him for a few minutes. It was a beautiful little moment. He looked for my face and seemed fixated on me and my voice. He smiled and made cute little baby noises and I know it doesn’t sound like a “moment” or anything special, it just was. Had to be there … and you just had to be me. It was like he really saw me and knew me and loved me. After a minute I told Daniel to get the camera. The camera, of course, does not capture what it was really like, but it was glorious. It was like heaven smiling at me. Really. I know it all sounds cheesy and like maybe I haven’t been sleeping enough lately (which I haven’t) and I know what it sounds like to hear mommies say, “he was talking to me!” even though their kid is basically a worm … but really. He saw me and he knew me and he loved me – for a few minutes last night.

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