blissfully unaware

I will have pictures tomorrow. After Halloween night. But I’ve been doing and thinking stuff, so I’m gonna take a minute and write it down.

There was a little thing called “hurricane Sandy” that has been blowing people’s lives to bits and I was so in my own little world, it didn’t phase us around here. People have died, and homes have been ruined and Liz has been without power and alone in her house with howling winds and wild weather and I …. bought a juicer at Costco. It’s sad but true that I am completely blissfully unaware of the world around me right now.

I don’t know when it happens, when your new baby life turns into real life, but I guess I’m not there yet. I always think I’m there, but then I miss a hurricane and think, “hmmmm, I must not be back yet”. Back to real life, where I worry and think about other human beings and really start getting dressed for the day – not just taking showers and then getting right back into sweats. Someday it will happen. But I am in no rush for right now, because I am trying to just soak it up. My baby time with little Ray.

I was talking to my friend, Mandee, about a month after Ray was born and I was telling her happily that I was getting back to normal and trying to get out and about and do stuff. She sounded dismayed and told me I shouldn’t be trying to get back to life so soon. She said Ray will only be a baby for such a small moment in time. She told me to soak it up. Sit and talk to him. Rock him for a long time. Hold him and cherish this time.

She was right.

So for the past few days, while hurricane Sandy has been ruining everything. I have been taking care of a sick little Ray. He got a cold and has a runny nose and I have holed up, not gone anywhere and just tried to soothe his little, sad self. Infants look so completely pitiful when they’re sick. Ray sneezes and whines and drools and looks at me like, “what happened? Why am I so miserable?”

Two nights ago was the worst for him. He is generally on a good little sleep schedule these days and doesn’t have a hard time going to sleep. As long as we put him in his crib, at the right time, with a blanket to rub softly against his little sucking lips – he does great. But two nights ago – he was not having it. So I sat in the recliner and rocked him for a half hour, until he fell asleep in my arms. It was sweet. With every rock forward I got a whiff of his little head. He smells like milk. Sweet milk. And I looked down at his face as he let sleep overtake him. It was so peaceful to watch.

Also, for the past few days I’ve been worried about his weight gain. I think my milk supply is waning and he isn’t gaining like he should be, so I’ve been trying to up my milk production by nursing more. It’s not really working. So a few days ago, we introduced Ray to his first food: bananas. And although it took him two days – he finished off the baby jar :)

I’ve not only been concerned about Rays weight gain, I’ve been dismayed at my weight loss …. I’m actually not losing anything. Somehow I am feeding him and he’s not gaining and I’m staying the same. What the heck. Anyway, I recently read a blog post here about juicing. So Daniel and I decided our early Christmas gift to ourselves would be a juicer. So off I went to Costco on Monday and bought the Jack LaLanne juicer for $89. So far, I love it.

And now – the basement. While Ray has been sleeping off his illness during the days I am trapped at home. In a good way. And I finally got the gumption to do the final clean up from our Halloween party. I decided that if I was going to be putting everything back, I might as well make it more organized than it was before and very functional. No extra toys lying around to make a needless mess. I was only putting back the toys the boys actually played with. So, the fort was left in storage, the trains were left in plastic bins and the PotteryBarn kitchen was stored away (by the way – the kitchen is my favorite kid toy we own. I will definately be saving it for when Ray gets older and into cooking like both my other boys did). The only stuff I left out was the computer desk, legos, the art desk, the chalkboard, the dress ups and a few other bins of toys. It felt liberating. seriously. But then again, I am kind of a weird-o about organizing. I get a high from it. I can’t really throw the other toys out, because Ray will need something as he gets older and goes through the phases my older two have left behind, but it feels good to have them stored away and a simpler, cleaner area downstairs.

So that’s what’s up. Hurricane Sandy came and went and we took care of sick Ray, juiced kale and cleaned the basement. Now it’s time for Halloween and that means my birthday is right around the corner :)

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