weight update

This is mostly for me. But I feel the need to celebrate/be accountable to someone/something. I weighed myself on April 19th and I was 168. Today, July 15th (almost exactly 3 months later) I weighed in at 158.5 at the gym this morning.

I only weigh myself at a specific time: in the morning, after I’ve pooped, with as little clothing on as the gym allows :) So I guess it took me 3 months to drop 10 pounds. And that is 3 months of going to the gym 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. One month of 6 am workout class with Leslie. 3 months of watching what I eat, doing a juice cleanse, trying out “clean eating” for a few weeks, skipping out on treats and not eating after 8 pm. And all of that means that I lost a little less than one pound per week (0.83 lbs per week). That doesn’t seem like a lot, hmmmmm. I have 13.5 lbs to go until I’m at my goal weight. I guess that will take me until Thanksgiving, at this rate. That’s crap. Maybe I’ll make the goal to be back to 145 by my birthday. Yeah. November 1st, here we come.

I have been working waaaaaaaay harder to lose this weight than I have with any other baby weight. Ray officially did me in. And another thing about my weight/body – it is “settling” differently. Like, really differently. All my weight is settling slowly into my belly and thighs. I have a mommy body. The gut is never tight and my legs are disproportionately larger than my upper body (and by upper body, I mean my chest is smaller). It’s not cute, that’s for sure. Sagging, settling, lumpy, stretch marked body.

I see these little 20-somethings walking around the gym with their sweet, tight little bodies and I have this unbelievable urge to shake them and say, “Enjoy this! Appreciate your body now! Take pictures! ….. cuz it’s all downhill from here girls ….” I don’t shake them, but I must have a desperate look on my face because sometimes they seem to feel my stare, look at me and then hurry past. Such is life as a mommy – you start staring desperately at young girls at the gym. Weird, right?

the gym

Sometimes I think that maybe I’m a little dramatic. maybe. I dunno.

I have a gym membership to the YMCA. I’ve been a member of the Y for about 6 years, off and on, taking breaks for delivery of babies and the first few months after I have the baby for recovery time. And I love the Y. Let me tell you why – the biggest reason is because they have a child watch area and I know the ladies there. Miss Jean and Miss Dee are awesome. Even when I plop Ray down, get him involved in a toy, try to creep out and he still cries, they just shoo me away and tell me he’ll be fine. And he always is but it takes a few minutes and they take that time with him. Anyway, I go to the gym because they watch my kids so I can workout alone.

Daniel runs (I am not a runner, but he is, so more power to him). He usually wakes up a half hour earlier than normal and runs around our block and general area. He really gets a good workout and his heart rate up and I see that and think, “maybe I’m a little dramatic about this whole gym thing. Maybe I don’t really need the gym. After all, I do a lot of exercises on the floor and I don’t require a lot of equipment … and the boys aren’t that bad. Noah and Liam play downstairs with Legos quite nicely and Ray just crawls around …. maybe I don’t need the gym …”

So this morning, Ray woke up with a fever and I couldn’t take him to the child watch, so I thought, “I’ll just workout at home. I can do this. I have a yoga mat and an exercise ball. It should be fine”.

It was not fine. I NEED the gym. I am NOT dramatic. Because at the gym, I’ve never had to go into a bathroom while someone was pooping and change the toilet paper roll, mid workout. Also, at the gym, no one has ever crawled over to my head while I was in plank position and pulled at a piece of fuzzy hair falling out of my bun, then giggled with delight. And then pulled my hair really hard right after that. Never happens at the gym. Nobody at the gym poops their pants and then stands directly in front of the fan blowing on me. And nobody laughs while standing there blowing poop air into my face. I never have people crawling under me while in plank position or sitting on my mat when I get up and come back, or crawling on top of me while I’m doing scissors. That never happens at the gym. And while I’m cooling down at the gym, doing my stretches, nobody comes to show me their lego creations and while I’m distracted looking at legos, nobody has ever bit me hard on the toe.

I need the gym. And now I know exactly why.

suffocated

I have so much to be grateful for, but I am about to NOT talk about the many things I am grateful for. So, prepare yourselves. It’ll just take a moment.

Summer has been suffocating. It has been the rainiest summer I’ve experienced here in MI, so thank you Michigan for taking me to disgusting, humid, dripping, sweaty places I’ve never been …. and never wanted to go. But more than that, my boys are driving me crazy. Right now, it has been a day full of crying, cleaning, more crying, feeding, time outs, more crying, more feeding and now I have tight shoulders and I am craving chocolate and silence in a place where I’m completely alone and it’s …. quiet, did I mention needing quiet?

It’s a bad time of day, 5 pm. It means I should be making dinner, but I’m not, I should be getting ready to leave for Activity Days tonight in an hour and the boys are most needy at this time of day. They need food (dinner is coming, so I can’t hold them off with snacks, or dinner becomes a painful experience, reminding them to eat their food every 2 minutes), I need food and it’s the end of the day. I’m tired and I am flat out of great, learning activities for them to do to keep them busy and they just end up circling around me like vultures, pecking at me with questions, requests and whines.

I just told them to leave me alone because “Mommy needs a time out”. seriously. oh geez. I am looking down the barrel of a night of food making, taking care of a sick Ray, cleaning up and then going to spend the evening with a ton of 8-11 year olds for hours. I am tired. And I’m hot and sticky and my brain is aching.

Here’s what sounds good to me: going to Anthropologie and sitting in a fat, cooshy chair, surrounded by good smells and pretty things, drink a Jamba Juice (Caribbean Passion) and read. Maybe I would bring a laptop and look at apartmenttherapy.com. That would be nice. Look at nice things, in a quiet, good smelling place, drinking something yummy. Yes. Ahhhhhhhh.

But no. Ray just woke up crying and dinner should’ve been made 15 minutes ago. Blech. Time to dive in to the evening of duties. I hate being an adult. A responsible adult with kids.

christmas in june

It was a crazy morning. It’s not always like that around here, but the before school rush can be a bear and this morning it was. It finished with me waiting and yelling from the car for Liam to get in the car so we wouldn’t be late to his last day of preschool and him running out of the house saying, “Mommy! I have a surprise for you!” As a mom, you have to always be excited about their surprises and in my mind, I thought, “This will turn things around this morning.” Then Liam held out the above pictured dirty sock wrapped in crumpled paper and started laughing hysterically. I told him to get in the car and off we went.

Man, I love my little boys, but sometimes they drive me crazy. And the end of the school year is such  wild time. I was talking to Les about this. The end of the year feels like Christmas time. Too much to do. In December there are gifts and parties and the calendar is packed, we’re usually packing to go visit someone …. it’s nuts and hard to enjoy “the season”. The end of the year, in June, is crazy too! There are presents for teachers – and not just anything, you want to give a heartfelt, meaningful, timeless gift that’s not food, but tells the teacher how much they have meant in your child’s life …. then there’s end of the year parties and helping in the classroom, making treats, turning the house upside down for the lost library books Noah will have to pay for now, Field Day, End of the year Picnics to attend, graduation parties. Oh geez, it’s stressing me out just writing it all.

Yesterday it took me all day to blog about Ray and his birthday, but I wanted to have it documented, or it doesn’t happen. I still have so much to blog about: Noah’s choir concert at school and Gammie came to visit! But last night, as I was desperately trying to finish up the post about Ray, I was kind of putting off dinner and making any decisions about it. I think I was secretly hoping that if I didn’t do anything about it, maybe something would magically appear on the table, or maybe Daniel would just take over. No such luck. I ended up doing it all – making salmon, rice and salad and finishing the cupcakes for Ray’s birthday and doing it all form scratch. I made the dressing for the salad, frosting for the cupcakes and sauce for the salmon all from scratch because I didn’t have anything else or anyone else to pick up the slack. Stuff had to get done, people had to eat and I had to do it.

I woke up this morning with the same feeling – just wishing that all responsibilities would somehow dissipate if I slowed down or didn’t step in to do it. Sadly, motherhood doesn’t work that way, it just makes things worse. Kids are late to school, stuff doesn’t get cleaned and people don’t eat food. I guess it will be lazy summer days soon enough and it’s all about endurance, but man, I wish it would slow down.

I’ve got 45 minutes before I need to pick up Liam, then it’s off to the races again – playdate at my house after preschool, the boys’ laundry (it’s getting bad, no socks – thank heavens they can wear flip flops now), sweeping the kitchen floor, Ray’s afternoon nap, cleaning the bathroom, food shopping, preparing for the Activity Day Girls’ party tomorrow, MY laundry …. sigh. I will not get a shower, I haven’t eaten breakfast and working out? haha, that’s not happening. I’m drowning in housework, end of the year work and forget about all those OTHER plans I have for “spare time”, like preparing a summer routine for the boys complete with learning activities and outings and playdates – or finishing the “organize your house” plan I came up with after the Relief Society lesson I went to last week – or going through and purging stuff in the boys’ closet and under my bed and in the basement. I have lofty goals and plans, but it seems like I’ll never get it done.

I guess I need to focus. One day, one activity at a time and enjoy it. For instance, I am going to post this, then walk into the kitchen and eat breakfast, then get in the car and watch Liam graduate from preschool and I will feel proud of myself for getting the gifts done for Liam’s teachers already. I have to say, it was beautiful to see Liam walking down the hallway of his preschool with a jar of roses in each hand. That reminds me, I wanted to write a special note to Mrs. Yessler …. here it goes …

The roses and cards in my center console on the way to preschool.

Lately

Sooo, it’s been a while since my last entry. That was due to technical difficulties with Daniel’s server and Comcast. Also, I’ve been planning Liam’s blow-out 5th birthday party. But, I’m back. Here’s the latest:

Today is Mother’s Day and Noah just walked up to me and said, “Today must be a pretty unusual day for you. Because usually you cook and people don’t give you cards”. I told him he was right, he continued on, “yeah, people don’t usually wake you up with kisses and hugs either, huh? So, it’s a pretty special and unusual day”. I love him to pieces. What a beautiful soul.

Also, I have been trying to lose weight as of late. For the past month or so, I’ve been trying a bunch of different things and it is awful. I have 20 lbs to lose, to get back to my before pregnancy weight. When I started trying to lose weight about 6 weeks ago, I had about 23 lbs to lose. So, yeah, it’s not been a very quick or rewarding experience.

I did a 1200 calorie diet for a week, and at the end of the week I was exhausted, dizzy and was having headaches everyday. I decided those were bad signs, even though I was losing weight. So then I tried “clean eating” and got a 7 day menu plan, complete with a shopping list and I followed it to the T. I was eating new stuff like plain, nonfat greek yogurt and quinoa. I was having no sugar, little bread, lean meats and lots of fruits and vegetables. I’ve been continuing on that trend for the last few weeks and really liking it.

I am also working out. I already have a gym membership, but my friend, Leslie was convinced I should do this 6:30 am workout class with her. I am not a morning person. It’s genetic. Nothing I can do about it. I really don’t think my body is equipped for functioning before 8 am, but because I really like Les, I agreed to do it with her. Plus, how can a fat person say no to working out? So, I have been doing my regular workouts, plus this early morning workout class.

With all of these healthy changes in my life you would naturally come to a few conclusions: 1. “I’ll bet she’s losing weight!” and 2. “She probably feels stronger and has more energy. At the very least, she must feel better, even if she’s not losing weight!” …. nope. nothing. I feel terrible. I am sore all. the. time. And I don’t know what “good kind of sore is”, but I’m pretty sure it’s not this. I wake up in the mornings and everything aches. The kind of ache like a giant stepped on me and it broke every bone in my body kind of ache. I couldn’t wear high heels to church today because my right knee is out. And I don’t have more energy, because I’m so darn tired. I don’t get it. But I keep at it because I don’t know what else to do. We’ll see. Maybe it’s more of a long term effect …. I’ve only been doing this extra workout class for the past two weeks, so we’ll keep it up a while longer.

Anyway, that’s lately … now I’ve got tons of firsts and bday parties to blog about!!