Category Archives: motherhood

memories on motherhood

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We just got back from a Forsyth Family Reunion in northern CA and it was wonderful. Really blissful. I need to post about Ray’s 2nd birthday and the reunion, but I was looking through some pictures yesterday and had some thoughts that I wanted to record somewhere.

Yesterday I read Ray his own baby book and he loved it. We looked at pictures of him as an infant, being held by mommy and daddy and Grandma. As I looked through it I thought, I wonder when was the last time I updated Liam and Noah’s baby books? So I looked and they were shamefully outdated. As soon as the boys were in bed, I went on our computer and started sifting through pictures and sending them to Costco to be printed out. And I came across Liam’s first Christmas.

Liam’s first Christmas was spent in PA with the Forsyths. During that visit we took a large family portrait with a professional photographer (I think she was a friend of the family’s) at a place called Longwood Gardens. It was hilarious.

I clicked through the pictures under the “Longwood Gardens faves” folder and found the most ridiculous pictures of my children and it all came rushing back. Mind you, these were “the faves” so there must have been much worse shots, just not included here. Daniel and I were the only ones in the family with children and we had 2 under 3 years old. We felt so awkward and inappropriate at every turn. There is literally nothing you can do with kids at age 2 and 6 months besides sit in a padded room with them and eat fruit snacks and give them toys to throw at your head (which they will most definitely do). No restaurant is safe, “casual” or fun enough. Even if they call it “casual dining”, they are not casually prepared for a 2 year old to scream at the top of their lungs, then melt under the table and start biting people’s legs and laughing. There is no trip in the car short enough. There is nothing sacred when you have a 2 year old. No propriety.

I remember feeling so anxious that trip. Young mothers go through the worst stuff. And since we just got back from another Forsyth trip recently, I recognized the other sister-in-laws’ anxiety about naps, bedtimes, breastfeeding, the severity of the outings, rides in cars, potential dangers in the house and more. I hope I never forget what it’s like to be a young mother. It’s awful. I don’t care how much you love babies and being a mother, it is just a crazy time of life. And here are some pictures that, in the words of the great Bill Watterson, “will make us remember more than we want to”. Also, you cannot blame us for their hair – it was truly as unruly as they were.


You need to really take note of every adults’ normal, happy looking face in total opposition to my boys in Daniel’s and my arms in the bottom left of the picture. And here’s a close up of poor little Liam:


Not totally sure what Noah is trying to do here – rip off Daniel’s fingers?


Yup. I think that’s what’s happening.

Then there were these lovely photos to remind me of even more:


Hi nursing mom in public!


Noah was hard to catch on film …

Ahhhhh, yes. It’s like a badge of honor. I did it and lived. I’m not gonna say I wasn’t maimed in the process, because I am a different person now than I was then. But it feels like I made it through a war or something. Family trips are the worst with little kids. Been there, did that.

motherhood

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So, it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and today is Wednesday and I am just sitting here, eating my egg whites and drinking water and thinking about how people should be more afraid of moms.

I just started (again) on the 17 Day Diet today. I’m supposed to eat mostly veggies and protein, some fruit, tons of water and no sugar or bread … for 17 days. I’m only about 3 hours in and I’m angry. Also, I have spent the morning cleaning. I became intimately aware of my half bath’s floor this morning and I figured something out. I’ve been annoyed for some time because I can’t seem to figure out why all of my bathrooms (I have 2.5) smell like urine. I thought I was cleaning them well and yet, they always smelled like pee. Well, this morning I realized why – because they have urine on the floor and around the under side of the toilets. Fun tidbit of information to pick up. Also, I am not feeling well. Just a cough and headache, but it’s enough to bug you. Also, Ray is sick … he’s kind of taking it like a baby too. Yelling, squawking and whining about everything, doing diarrhea in his pants every 15 minutes (not really, but man it feels like a lot of poop lately) and the snot strings are flowing down his face all day.

And I’ve been contemplating all of this while eating my tasteless egg whites and I thought that I might not be the only mom in the world doing the stuff I’m doing. There are probably thousands of hungry, angry women out there on the edge of screaming and since they can’t scream at their children because it’s not their fault they are 2 and sick … these women must be looking for outlets to scream and punish people around them. People should definitely be more afraid of mommies. If I were a thief or hoodlum of any sort, I would steer clear of moms. I’d be afraid they would not only have the nearest police station on speed dial (which I happen to have), but they are dieting and angry, they probably have pee or poop on them or at least under their nails and are ready the hurl something at the nearest person who looks at them wrong.

On a separate but related topic. I’ve often thought that the worst kind of torture would be to put a two year old in the same room as the person you are trying to torture and the two year old would take care of the torture. An especially effective torture would be to put a sick two year old in the room. There would be no “good cop, bad cop” it would be total chaos – yelling, screaming, crying, scratching your eyes out, crawling on top of them and pooping and throwing up on them kind of torture.

The day before yesterday I had a poop incident, while we’re on the subject, which we usually are on this blog. As I have been mentioning Ray is sick. He couldn’t wait for dinner, so I had fed him in his highchair, while I finished up with dinner. When he was done, he screeched at me until I picked him up to wash off his hands in the sink. As I was washing hi hands, I felt something fall on my toes. I thought, “oh great, the juicy tomatoes he was eating must have been in his lap and now it’s all over my feet!” … it was much worse than that. I looked down to see diarrhea on my feet, all down the front of my clothes and coming out of Ray’s shorts. I froze. This is the moment I am most familiar with as a mommy; the one where you are at a loss for what to do in this situation because you are not prepared for this kind of predicament. I did an awesome yoga move and stretched my feet, one at a time up to the sink where Ray was and rinsed my feet and Ray a little, then I scooped him up and we walked up the stairs to the bathroom where everyone disrobed and washing and bathing ensued. It was gross.

Anyway, these are the thoughts swimming around my head this morning.

never exempt

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There is always a “re-entry” period after a vacation. It’s the worst. Ray was evidently very angry that I left him, so he made me pay … for days.

We got home Sunday night, so Monday morning was a bear. Getting everyone up and off to school and then there was Ray, awww yes, little Ray. That kid was a hot mess. He spent the entire day just following me around the house crying. All. Day. The only time he was not crying, was when I was cradling him in my arms. Sometimes throughout the day, I would find myself giving up on trying to accomplish anything and I would just sit on the floor cross legged and hold Ray in my lap. I would see all the suitcases lying around the front room and think about the calls I needed to make and projects I needed to finish for people that were waiting on me for … and I would just be sitting in the middle of the floor, holding Ray. It made me a little crazy. A few times I just picked up his crying little self and gave him his favorite blanket and put him in his crib and closed the door to his room because I HAD to do something! Then there was the sickness.

Ray had been sick and I knew I would get it and I did. Monday morning. It hit like a sack of marbles in my face – particularly in my head. I had a major congestion headache all day and then that night, I got a migraine. I was sniffling, coughing, sneezing … what else does the Nyquil commercial say? … yeah, I had all of that and on top of that, I had a crying baby following me around. Then Liam and Noah came home from school and Liam broke down into tears when I asked him to do his chores and homework. Then after dinner, Noah cried because we were having Family Home Evening and he didn’t have a chance to play his Lego Game. There was lots of crying on Monday.

There is a misconception that I have had for years about having a cold. I thought that the only real upside to not being able to breathe or taste your food was not having to smell stinky diapers. This is a misconception. Not true. No matter how clogged your nasal passages are – they may be completely blocked, yet somehow, you will be able to smell the poopy diapers. It’s amazing really. And Ray had some doosies on Monday because he was getting over being sick, so we had some pretty serious diarrhea that smelled heinous, truly heinous. It was the kind of smell that was so bad and pungent that it smelled kind of spicy. Gross, wet, spicy poop and even though I couldn’t for the life of me smell or taste the lovely homemade chicken soup I made for myself and family – I was getting the full force of Ray’s diapers. Thank you, totally useless clogged nose. How does that happen??! I guess it’s a motherhood thing – to never be exempt from smelling poopy diapers.

today

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I started my period. TMI? Whatevs. My house is a bit of a disaster, I already showered, took kids to school, ran errands, hung out with Zacky and then Christina and put Ray down for a nap, so I feel like I can be done for the day and not feel bad about it. It’s noon.

I am on the committee that puts on the Relief Society activities/meetings. Last night we had an event and it was awesome. We had Patriarch Bascom come speak to us about the Book of Mormon. It was mind blowing. He talked about the editions of the Book of Mormon and why they came out and how the closer we get to the original words spoken from Joseph’s mouth, the better the text is; it is more clear and makes more and more sense with what scholars continue to discover about ancient times and texts. It was so exciting. Patriarch Bascom reminded me of my dad and Bro. Collette. He was so excited about the Book of Mormon and all of his studies about it. He was moved by words and passages. He found wonder and amazement at what it must have been like to be Joseph Smith, speaking out loud the words from 3 Nephi 11 for the first time in this dispensation –

5 And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came.

6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

7 Behold my Beloved Son, bin whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

8 And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.

9 And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:

10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.

It was so powerful and such a testimony builder to listen to the Patriarch speak. He was animated too, just like Daddy. And he didn’t need to look at anything, no notes, no hiding behind a pulpit, he was so comfortable just discussing with us his findings. I loved every moment. I felt like clapping afterwards, but I guess that’s irreverent. I went up to him afterwards and chatted with him for a bit. He studied religion in college, majored in it and then taught high school history and later a high school religion course too. Such a fascinating person and an enlightening night. I love having time to educate and uplift myself all at once. Loved it, loved it.

Anyway, as a sidenote – we put together a “bread bar” to celebrate and mirror the sustenance we were given through Patriarch Bascom’s presentation. Give us our Daily Bread … through an awesome little bread bar. We had pita and naan bread with several different, yummy hummus dips. There was honey wheat, pumpkin, cinnamon raisin and jalepeno cheesy bread. All complete with butter, honey butter, jelly and olive oil and balsamic vinegar to dip everything in. We decorated the table with lavender, green potted plants and one basil plant.

Besides this, life is moving forward here in California. Today is a cloudy day, which is why I’m taking some time and spending it indoors to type away, but pretty much every day is a sunny day. It’s unbelievable. I was bummed out last Saturday because early in the week it said it would be 77 degrees at the beach, but it cooled to 71 and we decided against a beach day with such chilly weather …. I know. I smile even as I write this because most of the country is covered in snow, in February, and here I am bummed about 71. I’m not bummed. It’s gorgeous.

I realized that I never really documented Ray’s first word. I’m pretty sure it was DADA, because he loooooves Daddy. But Ray went from grunting to saying like 4 words all at once, so It’s hard to say. But here’s a list of what little Ray is communicating these days:

Daddy
Mommy
Woh-wah (Noah)
Le-oh (Liam)
Sacky (Zacky)
Nina (Aunt Stina)
dee (drink)
down (up and down … it’s confusing really. You have to watch where his hands are pointing)
muh (more)
uh-side (outside)
shoo (shoes)
no
no (“yes” – again, this is tricky)
uh oh
buzzy (fuzzy)
bubee or buzzy (his favorite blanket)
Guc (all animals)
huh-coc (helicopter)
uh-pay (airplane)
nice (usually accompanied with petting Emily’s hair … usually because he’s been mean to her)
at (hat)
day-doo (thank you)
eees (please)
nuss (nose)
eye
eh (ear)

He’s a pretty cute little human at 20 months. He still walks like a drunk and I’m worried about that … when is he going to master walking? His run is hilarious. He ends up going faster but in reality, he just makes his steps tinier and quicker. You just have to see it. It cracks me up every time. And he is a true Daddy’s Boy. This is a first in our family. We have a lot of family photos around the house and so all day long I hear Ray rounding a corner or coming down the stairs yelling and then I see him point at a picture and yell, “Da-dee!!” Sometimes he hears the front door open and he takes a swift intake of air and says, “Huh! Daddy?!” His little heart is broken ten times a day. I need to start taking pictures of Daniel down from the walls … nd maybe we need to start entering and exiting from the back or side door??

Recently, Liam and I have been working on a project for his kindergarten class. It’s an alphabet book that he is making entirely on his own. His teacher sent home very specific instructions on how parents couldn’t “help”. This has been pretty painful for me. A project that I have to watch being done not perfectly?? … and although this started as a “pulling-teeth” exercise, it has become wonderful. Liam talks about it all the time and what needs to get done before it’s time to turn it in. He’s really become conscious of responsibility a little. And I’ve learned how to work with Liam better – giving him ideas, but letting him come up with it on his own. You should see his “proud of me” face. It’s gorgeous. He half smiles and sticks his tongue in his cheek and his eyes are alive with excitement and pride. I love it. I need to catch it on film sometime.

Noah. And there’s my Noah. He’s such a good boy, but lately he’s been talking back. He knows he’s pretty smart. Too smart. So he’s beginning to think that he knows more than everyone. Parents, teachers … everyone. This was a conversation we had on the way home from school the other day:

Noah: Is it bad for boys to take off their shirts and show their top part?
me: not when you’re swimming. But if you’re at school or anywhere else, it’s inappropriate to take off your shirt. I mean, you don’t see mommy walking around in her bathing suit, do you? And you don’t see Daddy walking around without his shirt on, right?
Noah: no. Ya know, even when you’re swimming, there are swim shirts.
me: yeah, in fact, we just got a shirt like that from Aunt Aria for little Ray. I’m excited to use it next time we go to the beach.
Noah: he has a swim shirt?
me: yes
Noah: no, I mean one that you use in the water. It’s made out of different stuff than regular shirts.
me: yes, I know. Ray has one.
Noah: But is it a swimming shirt? One that he can be in the water with?
me: yes. I know what you’re talking about and I’m telling you that Ray has one.
Noah: no, no. It is made from swimming material, like swim trunks.
me: Noah, I know what you’re talking about and yes.
Noah: …(silent for a second) … mommy, can I see it when we get home?

It’s like he felt the need to check up on me. sheesh. This kid. I even got a call home from his school teacher about him “talking back”. So we’ve had several talks about it. I really think he doesn’t know it when he’s doing it. So I’m trying to make him aware.

But … here’s a thought – what if he really is a genius and it’s terribly frustrating for him to talk to everyone around him?

Last night, Daniel and I went in to check on the boys before we went to bed and we found paper next to Noah’s bed with equations all over it. He was doing addition and division last night. But addition into the thousands – like 13,777 + 13,777 = I don’t even know, I’d have to add it … Anyway, he’s a beautiful creature, just like the other two. I’m a lucky mom.

As for me, I know it would make me so happy to clean everything up and I should. I should get up off this darn couch and clean. Yeah … but I’m feeling tired and it’s overcast and I ran 3.22 miles yesterday and I just want to maybe take a power nap before the boys come home from school ….. pretty sure cleaning up is not winning this one.

Christmas cupcakes

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I always sign up to bring in cupcakes or cookies for the school class parties, since I usually can’t come or put them on or donate time in the classroom. This is my way of sharing. This year, I found a fun idea on pinterest for cupcakes. Liam looked at the finished product and said, “what are they? butterflies?” … seriously?? Why would I make butterfly cupcakes for Christmas? Anyway, I spent some time on these. I even got up early on the morning he needed them for school to freshly frost them (6:30 am kind of early … they have to be at school at 7:40, sooo). When Noah came home from school I asked how his class liked them. He said, “Well, Johnny doesn’t like pretzels”. I asked if Johnny just took off the pretzels. He said, “no, he just didn’t eat any.” No other information was freely given about the enjoyment of these cupcakes. I’m not sure the extra time and effort was worth it. hmmmmm.